Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart

First of all, welcome to epicmusicvideos.tumblr.com! We hope to bring you more epic music videos, the good ones as well as epically horrifyingly bizarre videos like this one. Stay tuned.

This god-forsaken, totally bizarre cluster bomb of nonsense is what started it all. There is literally too much to mention here about why this is epic mindfuckery.

I’ll be honest, I’d never even seen this video until it showed up the other day on the tumblr-dashboard. It starts off as all good, romantic, stab-me-in-the-eyes-I’m-so-bored videos from the 80’s - a creepy-ass old place.

But where’s Bonnie!? I hear her but I don’t see her epic hair yet! Frilly things and candles co-exist peacefully, and then - HOLY SHIT BALLS THERE ARE NINJAS IN THIS VIDEO!?

I’m still trying to process what I just saw when a DEMON-MAN-CHILD WITH GLOWING EYES appears. Then someone douses the swim team in water and some dudes re-enact Bad: the broadway musical and dancingfootballplayersohmygodmybrainsjustleakedout.

SPOILER ALERT: I finally made it to the end of this video, I always cut it off before the end. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to learn that Bonnie used to be a Headmaster and that she’s totally lusting after youngin’s.

…..

I have resigned myself to the fact that some cocaine-riddled director that probably still walks around LA with his long black hair, frilly David Copperfield shirts, and purple Ozzy Osbourne shades trying to convince people that he was of sound mind and body when this was made.

All else aside, the last 20 seconds of this video, from 5:10 - 5:30, I think will do two things for my existence. Number one, it will always make me laugh because I know that there is someone out there whose life sucks worse than mine, because no matter how bad it gets, I’m not THAT GUY. Number two, it will probably be on a permanent loop for me in hell.

- Matt